Chronicals of Weirdness
by RE Mistress
Summary: What would you get when you mix a convict, a S.T.A.R.S medic, a girl packing heat, and a machete wielding teddy bear, all with "slight" misplacement of their sanity? Well, toss in an author on a constant sugar high, and you've got yourself the product of a whole lot of random, stupid, and just plain weird mayhem. First ever fanfic. Safety:T for language & breakage of fourth wall.
1. Chapter 1

Billy and Rebecca got off the lift or elevator, whatever you want to call it, and stood in a room that had a walk going around an opening in the floor. In the middle of the room was an enclosed railing that surrounded the opening, giving a view of rushing water. Both Billy and Rebecca looked at each other, then started walking the path around the railing.

Suddenly, there was the sound of water splashing, as if something was surfacing, then the sound of, heavy foot steps? Of some sort. The two turned around the face the source of the sudden noise, Rebecca gasping at the sight before them.

There, stood the over 7ft tall mutation of a man, Tyrant. It looked at them with its blood-shot red eyes and seemed to grin even more than it was permanently able to. Due to its lack of lips.

"What the hell?" Billy exclaimed, shocked at what he was seeing. He honestly never thought they would encounter something like-like this! He quickly came out of his stoop and aimed his gun at the creature, feeling a bit of pity for the poor bastard this thing use to be.

"Aw, c'mon. I just got through with-you died, I saw!" Rebecca continued to yell, annoyed that it didn't just stay dead, unconscious or whatever the hell it was doing this whole time. Billy looked at her. "what?" he said, yet again going back to his shocked stage.

'_Was he born surprised?_' Rebecca asked herself, giving him a look that said 'you fucking idiot'. She went to reach for her gun, when she suddenly felt a bone crushing pain surge through her body. Rebecca was sent flying to the furthest wall, hitting it dangerously hard and fell to the ground. She had never felt such pain in her life, and all she could do was lie there, hearing Billy's voice, completely shocked physically and mentally

^^^^^^^^^^^^^refrigginwind^^^^^^^^^^^^

When Rebecca finished her bitchy tantrum, Billy looked at her, shocked. Did she really face this thing before? On her own '_When the hell was this?_' he asked himself. '_probably when you were out cold god knows where, Billy Boy_.' His rational side answered.

Billy watched as she went for her gun, but his heart sank as fear engulfed him. He watched helplessly as the disgusting beast ran forward, smacking Rebecca into the air and sending her flying into the farthest wall real damn hard. Her body falling limply to the floor.

"Rebecca!" Billy called out to her, but got no response. His heart sank even further, for fear that he might have lost her. He turned to look the tyrant in the eyes and yelled in pure anger, "You son of a bitch!"

Billy lifted his gun and started shooting, but the bullets did little damage. The Tyrant simply looked over him, at Rebecca, and Billy, becoming _so_ fucking interested, turned to look also, being surprised yet again. Freaking idiot, surprised for dumb shit… oh, well… back to the story…

Rebecca stood up, swaying in her attempt to keep her balance and holding her now bleeding side. She could see the shock on Billy's face, probably because she was up again, after a blow like that, and Billy was wondering if she would be ok. Remembering the situation they were in, he quickly rolled out the way of a clawed hand that attempted to cut him in half. Rebecca, seeing this, ignored the pain and decided to help take this mother fucker down!

"Damn it little girl, do I have to take care of you all the freaking time?" Billy questioned with humor. Rebecca didn't catch the humor and she got a little pissed, she didn't want to be looked upon as a burden, and defiantly didn't want to be called 'little girl'.

"No, you don't, you self-centered ass wipe! It would be nice to show some god damn sympathy! And I was thinking, when I got fucking pwned would've been the time!." Rebecca thought she sounded cool and indifferent, but in reality, she was yelling her flat ass off, causing Billy to raise an eyebrow at her. Rebecca sent a heated death glare his way, then pulled out a huge ass sword, from out of freaking nowhere!

"What the… Rebecca… where da hell that come from..?" Billy asked, but he was unheard by said person. Rebecca just started running at the Tyrant, screaming some Chinese or Viking shit.

Now, you would think this bitch would pull off a cool flip and slice this mother fucker, especially since I'm writing this. Oh no, instead dumb-ass here goes swinging the sword like it's a fucking baseball bat! But at least she nailed this ugly-looking freak in the balls! That shit was funny, it went down slowly!

Billy watched all of this go down from a safe distance, not wanting to get caught in the wrath(Death of Balls) he had caused. Oh that merciless, painful wrath of death…

The tyrant stood up after a good 3 minutes and looked at Rebecca. You wont believe what happened... This idiot started crying! "Wha 'cho do dat fo? U so mean!" The thing screamed, then ran away. But fuck face tripped over its own claws, fell over the rail, and into the rushing water. Gone forever!

"…Wow!" Billy said low, but mostly to himself. Rebecca walked over, and kicked the shit out of him. Billy bent over holding his stomach, idiot forgot how to breathe…

"Fucking idiot! You ain't helped once, just stood there holding your saggy balls like I hit you. Fucking prick. I got half the mind to put a cap in yo ass right now!" Billy smiled at her nervously, but his smile fell when she actually pulled out her gun and held it like a gangsta!

"Oh fucking gosh please don't kill me!" He screamed out. "I wasn't going to, ass whole, I'll let them dogs get you…" Rebecca replied. Billy was relieved. Then his eyes landed upon the very deep gash in her side.

It looked like she was loosing a lot of blood, and that needed to be fixed, fast. Funny how she was about to kill him, then he's about to fix up that huge ass gash on her side…

Billy leaned over, reaching for Rebecca's med pack, and snatched it off her hip. The sudden action caused Rebecca to jump and stare at Billy in confusion. He simply gestured toward the wound in her side and set the pack on his lap, fishing out the med kit.

Rebecca looked at her bleeding side and her eyes widened in horror. She just now noticed the very deep gash, that left blood all over the god damn floor, on her side and thought that she saw a bone sticking out. *sigh* idiot, exaggerating shit…

"OMeffinG! I think I see a bone! Oh god I'm going to die! Cruel ass world!" Rebecca screamed hysterically. Being unable to control herself, before Billy was even able to tend to her wound, Rebecca jumped on him, holding onto him tightly. I mean like dear freaking life depended on it.

Billy was taken aback by the sudden, he can't even think of the word that's bigger than the one I'm gonna say so I'll just say, the sudden attack or glomp or whatever it might have been. Rebecca stayed in the position for nearly 4 minutes, holding onto Billy in a death grip.

Nothing but silence could be heard. There was absolutely no other sounds or noise other than the breathing of the two occupants of the room. Billy just about had it, Rebecca was shaking as she held onto him in hysterics, it was awfully quiet, and he was very uncomfortable with her on him will he tried to steady himself from falling over.

So, Billy reached up and pulled on Rebecca's upper arm, lifting her up and getting a surprised squeak in response. He positioned himself in an Indian sitting style, then set the confused medic in his lap, wrapping his arms around her waist and placing his chin on the top of her head.

"It's okay, Dollface. You ain't gonna die, and don't you mean cruel ass Umbrella Corp. The world ain't at fault here." Billy said reassuringly, trying his best to calm her down. Billy couldn't help but feel relaxed and… a bit happy, that he was holding her in his arms. This annoying, know-it-all, do-it-herself, determined, loyal, trusting, young… woman. He couldn't help the small smile that found its way on his face. He could feel Rebecca tense a little because she was sitting in his lap, but then she relaxed as he started to pat her head.

"T-thank you, Billy." Rebecca said, after trying to get her voice back. She was quite happy to be in his arms, the arms of her Billy…aw, ain't that _cute_!

'_WOAH WTF WHERE'D THAT COME FROM!?_' Rebecca shouted to herself, in her mind, not wanting to seem insane if she yelled out loud for no reason, even though she is. She just couldn't believe what she just thought. _Her_ Billy? _Happy_ to be in _his_ arms? What the hell? She lost too much blood, and her ever-loving mind…

"Alright, I think I should start on your wound now." Billy said, removing his hand from Rebecca's hair. He had gotten so caught up in the moment, that he had no idea he was starting to play with her hair, twisting the short locks between his fingers. Rebecca nodded in agreement, trying to calm herself and forget her previous thoughts.

She moved from Billy's lap and sat back against the wall, taking a deep breath to prepare for the burning of peroxide, and its after sting. When suddenly, there was another noise, causing Rebecca to forget about her wound, jump up quickly and aim her gun. Billy as well.

The door at the far end of the room, our two heroes were in, slowly started to creep open. Though it looked like it needed a bit of force, because that door was freaking old and rusty…and metal. Rebecca and Billy aimed their guns at the door, waiting for whatever it was on the other side to show itself…and get its ass kicked by Rebecca.

When the door came to an abrupt halt, there was nothing but silence. You know that eerie silence, like something is there, but it's hiding just waiting to pounce. Or, when that something is looking for you and _you're_ hiding, then it leaves and you come out of hiding only for that something to get you once you let your guard down, THEN YOU'RE DEAD!

Yeah, it wasn't that type of silence though, it was like something stepped away from the door to drag something in.

Since Billy was closer to the door, he could see what looked like someone's butt, while they were bending over or something._ 'they must really want their ass kicked'_, he thought, in dry humor.

He went to take a step, when his boot knocked over a rock, which made a very small noise that he, or anyone else, wouldn't have notice. But he felt the rock when he hit it. Now even though the sound was oh so small, the butt's owner automatically whipped around and had two H&K usp pointing at Billy. He was basically screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so this is my _first_ fanfic that I posted, and I hope it's alright. I mean, I don't want to offend anyone if they don't think my work is funny. *Sigh* I guess the only thing I can say is; Don't like, Don't read. Well, on with the story.

...

Rebecca clocked her gun, successfully getting the new comers attention. The person had a hood over their head, completely covering everything, so even when he looked at Rebecca, she couldn't see his face. Everything was silent, and during that time, Billy and Rebecca observed the new comer. He wore baggy clothes, black and grey from what they could see, with a cloak of some sort covering him. He had black combat boots with zippers on the side. He was pretty short, about 5' or something…like a kid.

It suddenly hit Rebecca that this might be a little boy. She took a cautious step forward, but stopped when the kid slowly aimed a gun at her. Oh no, it's not that he was uncertain of himself, no, it was a way of showing that he had them, whether they knew it or not, he had them.

Rebecca immediately dropped her arms and holstered her gun, then raising her arms slowly. "Hey, we aren't here to fight you or anything, we can help you…uh… where are your parents?", Rebecca asked tentatively. The boy only, slowly, cocked his head to the side. "…Are you here with someone..?" she continued, still no answer.

Billy became irritated. Dropping his arms by his side, he joined the one-sided conversation. "Listen kid, I don't want to deal with this crap right now. Don't try to be nothing more than a little boy by pointing guns at us. Let the grownups take care of stuff." Billy said with a hint of smugness. The boy's head cocked to the side again.

"Did you just call me a boy?" The feminine voice was smooth, calm and indifferent. Though it held a hint of being a young teens voice. Billy and Rebecca were taken aback by this, they honestly thought this girl was a boy! They heard a sigh, causing them to come out of their stoop.

"It doesn't matter… you're hurt…" The girl stated calmly, nodding her head towards Rebecca, "you should take care of that." she said to Billy while holstering her guns. he looked to Rebecca to find her swaying a bit. "Shit…" Billy cursed under his breath. He walked over to her and picked her up, carrying her over to a crate and setting her down.

Rebecca silently thanked him with a smile, then looked back to where the girl was, only to see that she wasn't there. She tried to sit up but Billy stopped her with a hand on the shoulder. All rape start with a hand on the shoulder! 3

He turned to the direction she was looking and understood. "I'll go check, stay put, ok?" Rebecca gave a nod in response. Billy walked away, then slowed down when he reached the door. He peeked around it to find nothing but a walk, being rushed over by water.

There was a sliding sound coming from the left of the doorway, as if something was being dragged over to the door. Billy readied his gun, leaning against the door for his 'surprise attack'. He was about to pounce when he saw that same behind from before. Realizing it was the little boy, or girl, Billy put his gun away and stepped through the door.

The little girl/boy was dragging a body, the guy wasn't dead, the rise and fall of his chest proved it. The kid stopped dragging the guy and turned to Billy. "If you're not going to take care of her, I will. You can take him for me, and be careful… he's hurt badly." That same voice came, and Billy was sure it was a girl.

He nodded in response, then went over to the guy. Billy, as gently as he could, lifted him up and put him over his shoulder, then carried him back into the room. Hm, carried him back to the room…/

Billy sat the guy down on the floor near a wall and turned to the kid who was sitting in front of Rebecca, tending to her wound. The kid seemed to know what he/she was doing, just wrapping the last bit of gauze around her wound. He/she made sure nothing on Rebecca showed, because she only had her shirt just below her breast. When the kid was done, he/she stood up and made his/her way to the guy, med kit in hand.

Billy saw that Rebecca was sleeping, peacefully leaning against the wall, still sitting on the crate. Billy took this time to observe the newest guest of their party. The guy, more like kid, looked about fifteen years old or so, wore a purple sweater with a grey shirt. He had light blue skinny jeans._ 'Is this kid a sissy?' _Billy asked himself.

He continued his observation. The kid had blackish-brown hair, that looked like it was a bit curly but straightened out. _'Probably going for a emo look'. _He had tanned skin, natural looking, _' Hispanic?'_ Billy looked down to his feet. _'And to top it all off, the kid wears vans. I'm done." _Billy sighed.

The boy, the one that he could actually tell was a boy, didn't seem to have any wounds, just a small cut on his head. "Hey, I thought 'cha said he was 'hurt badly' or something." Billy spoke, breaking the silence that had been unnoticed. The kid turned to him, covered face and all. "I believe head trama is still being badly wounded. It was a pretty hard hit." the kid said, and nothing more.

"You don't talk much, do ya?" Billy asked, absently looking at Rebecca. The kid stood up and walked over to a button on the wall that released a ladder, pressed the button, then walked over to stand a few feet away from Billy. He/she gave no response. "I'll take that as a no." Billy walked over to Rebecca and sat next to her. For a while, everything was silent. Then a question popped up in old Billy-boys head.

"Hey, um… are you a… girl or boy?" Billy asked a bit tentatively. The kid turned towards him, staying silent for what felt like an eternity. Rebecca started to wake up, and by coincidence, so did the other kid. He sat up and looked around for a second, before his eyes landed on the cloaked form standing between him, and Billy and Rebecca. Then a sigh was heard. The kid reached up and pulled on the hoody part of the cloak, successfully pulling it all off.

There stood a 5'2, fourteen year old black girl. She had her hair in blackish-brown braids, about shoulder length.(now the outfit is somewhat like Sheva's)She wore a form fitting black tank top, that had barely visible stripes on it, baggy grey combat capri pants with 6 pockets. She had guns strapped all around her back and legs.

She had a bit of jewelry on, a gold necklace, two or three rings, one being a black snake with diamonds, and a pair of gold hoop earrings. She had a nice form, pretty good development at her age. There was a fresh bandage wrapped around her upper right arm, a little bit of blood seeping through.(yeah, I know, I describe myself pretty damn good!)

Rebecca sat up, trying to get rid of her tiredness to get a better look at the now known girl. The boy was surprised. Billy, he just had one of those 'ah ha' moments. "My name is Akiyah Johnson. This one here already knows me." Akiyah gestured to the boy, who was still staring at her. Akiyah looked towards him, waiting on his introduction. When he didn't even twitch to speak, Akiyah spoke for him. "This is Christian."

"Well, it's nice to meet you Akiyah, Christian." Rebecca said, receiving a classic 'fucking idiot' look from Akiyah. She quickly caught on(Because it's never nice to meet people while trying to survive fucking zombies, not for them, and not for you). "Heh heh, sorry." Rebecca apologized. The boy, Christian, slowly stood up and walked over to Akiyah, he placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her around quickly before she could slap his hand away.(Rape! Hand on shoulder! RAPE!)

For a second or two, he stared at her. "You fucking hit me. Very hard. WHY!?" Christian asked, with his demanding bitchy voice(I love you Christian!). Akiyah simply looked at him, blankly. "You were following me." was her only response. "Why would you hit me because I was following you?" There's that voice again. Silence. "I mistook you as a one of them." She turned to walk away, then stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Just be grateful I didn't shoot you." And with that, she climbed up the ladder.

"Wait, you got hit in the head, right? Damn, you should be happy." Billy laughed out. Christian sent a half-hearted glare his way. As Akiyah was climbing the ladder, she started thinking. _'Maybe if I'm not so serious… things would be less awkward…' _When she reached the top, there were more machines here and there.

'No… this is not some type of vacation get away… this is hell… and in order to live, I have to be serious… no time for child's play'

Akiyah chided herself. She looked around for something useful, her eyes landing quickly upon a huge chip on the floor, a few steps away.

Akiyah walked over and picked it up, examining it. It was actually a motherboard, of some sort. She continued to walk around the cat walk, looking for anything el- "That looks cool." Akiyah said to herself when she noticed a medium sized vial lying on the edge of the walk. "Oh no, it's about to fall off!" Akiyah announced, yet again to no one in particular.

The vial started to tip, just a little, but to Akiyah, it seemed like the fucking world was gonna end! "I'll save you!" she yelled, then started a slow motion run toward our currently helpless vial in distress.

As everything was, well, moving at a normal freaking pace, Akiyah made a slow dive for the vial on its last few second in the harsh world. "Got 'cha!" She caught it! Akiyah stood up, gave the vial one look, then tossed it over the rail. "I hate greenish-yellow colors…" FUCKIN' WOW! Are you kidding me? I know I wrote this, but really? WHY DID I DO THAT!?

The vial went falling down silently, onto the unsuspecting emo kid- I mean Christian…it hit him hard on the head, enough for it to break. Now, this thing is that plastic type of glass, so this dude must have one hell of a hard heard! Like DAMN!

"What tha' fuck!?" Christian screamed with his bitchy voice, looking up to find the culprit, who was not there, but was climbing down the ladder. Akiyah was making her way around the walk, back to the others, when Christian screamed again. For fuck sake…

"Oi, Christian, be quiet." was all she said. What the fuck, she was just all stupid upstairs, now she's all cool and indifferent and shit.(Idk why I'm talking in third person, when it's me…I guess your not really suppose to know that… oh well!) Christian kept yelling, causing Akiyah to actually give a damn and look at him.

"Hm…" She hummed questioningly, but on the inside, she was like "HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT, WHAT THE HELL, I'M GONNA BE SICK!" Christian was on his knees, his skin seemed to be melting right off. I mean like, it was fucking going and never coming back.

"OH GOD, what did you DO to me!?" He cried out, as he shriveled and shrunk like the wicked bitch from the west… I mean witch, witch. Billy, Rebecca, Akiyah, and a random squirrel, watched it all happen. In horror, shock, disgust, and a bit of amusement. Damn squirrels…

Akiyah, being the brave soul that she is, took a step toward the bundle of clothes that used to be her boy frie- I mean Christian. It was nothing but a sloppy mess of flesh, blood, that make-up stuff called blush,(his cheeks are always red!) and… stuffing. No, you idiots, not the food, though it's _so_ delicious! No, I'm taking 'bout the kind you find in stuffed animals, you know, after you cut 'em up…no? Anyway, there was that stuff sticking out of the bundle, weird huh?

"Oh my god. What happened to him?" Rebecca asked hurriedly, confused as hell. Billy sat there, shocked. The squirrel looked like it was about to cry… fucking bi-polar squirrel… Akiyah took another step, honestly curious as to what happened, how, and why. As she took another step, the bundle moved, causing her to stop.

Both Billy and Rebecca were holding there breath. The clothes started to move a little more now, then slowly reaching the point to where it seemed like some poor tiny bastard just couldn't find his way out. Akiyah leaned over and grabbed a corner of the sweater Christian was wearing, getting ready to snatch it away. She took a breath, and SNATCH! She pulled away the sweater, and there sat…

...

Well, that's chapter two. I would really like to hear some constructive criticism on things I could change and make better. honestly, when I thought all this up in my head, two years ago, it was pretty funny. And made a_ lot_ more sense. But anyway, review please, thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

Alright, here we go, chapter 3! Let more weirdness crawl into your brains as you, hopefully, enjoy this chapter. Don't have anything else to say, other than:

Disclaimer: I do NOT own RE, nor its characters. 'Sometimes wish I did.

Only own myself, my mom, my sis and the stupid kid, Christian (He may not know it, but I do. Oh, I do) On with the story!

...

"What in the world…" Akiyah trailed off, confused by the sight before her. Rebecca went into a dazed, and Billy just stood up, threw his hands in the air exasperated, and walked away. Akiyah was basically the only one left here, so lets continue.

Underneath the sweater, sat a black and purple care bear. It had its hair, which was very little, at the top, brushed down to nearly cover its black beady eyes. It wasn't as fat as most care bears, it was a little more slim, with longer arms and legs. On one arm, the left, there were black studded wrist bands. That was pretty much all the bear had on.

"…Christian?" Akiyah asked cautiously, not wanting to sound stupid if it wasn't him, but then again, how did this creepy, yet cute looking emo care-bear get here? "Hm, that's what I'll call you, EmoCareBear." she said before it could _possibly_ respond.

"Why would you call me that?" came Christian's voice from the bear. "Oh, _El_ EmoCareBear then." The bear just looked at her with that 'fucking idiot' look, which got him kicked all the way across the room. I know- how does a _teddy bear _have _facial expressions_? CUZ HE'Z COOL!

Akiyah took the excess straps from the spring M16A4 assault rifle she had around her neck, and sewed them to Christian's back, which hurt like a bitch! Then she put the straps around her shoulders and wore it like a backpack. Christian had to use a cop 357 8mmbb because, well, he just didn't have any weapons.

"Wee!" Christian exclaimed. Rebecca, Billy, Akiyah and El EmoCareBear all boarded the very small lift, going back up to the first floor. They each exited the lift and made their way to the gondola. "I'll go." Akiyah said, hopping into the gondola. Rebecca went over to the control panel and pressed the button, sending the gondola to the next room.

When it came to a stop, Akiyah hopped out and scanned the new area. There were windows giving a view of the water plant, and a desk with a monitor and lever in front of it. Akiyah turned the lever, but she didn't really notice anything happen.

"So, Akiyah." Christian started, in that voice that made her think, 'this asshole's gonna say some stupid shit, or sumtin' perverted. Either way.' she rolled her eyes. "Hm?" she bothered to respond and El EmoCareBear twisted a bit to look over her shoulder. "How's the weath-"

BAM! Akiyah did one of those over the shoulder backward punch thing, grabbed his stuffed head and threw him across the room, making him hit the wall and bounce off. He sat up with a dizzy look. "Dumb-ass…" Akiyah commented, walking around the railing toward him, then turned to the steps that were, like, right there.

She couldn't seem to take anymore steps, as if there was an invisible wall or something. She took a look down the stairs. "Oh, that's right. When something's trashed or off limits in the game, there's like a boundary…" Akiyah said, breaking the fourth wall. She turned around, picked Christian up, and continued examining the control room.

At the other side of the room was a metal door. Akiyah, holding El EmoCareBear, went to the door and opened it. When she stepped through the door, there was a sound of quick patter, like something moving fast, toward them.

And sure enough, there, coming full speed at them, was a huge mutated roach. "What the FUCK!?" Christian screamed, though it sounded a bit deeper than usual. Akiyah rolled her eyes and sighed, she already had to deal with these things back at the mansion.

She gently dropped El EmoCareBear to the floor, pulled out her H&K usp, aimed, and took that over sized bitch out! It took nearly one whole round, but that sucker was dead. Christian walked, or rather skipped, over to a low cabinet across the room and took out a case of grenades.

"Hey, that guy got a grenade launcher, right?" he asked, still looking in the cabinet. "Mmhm." Akiyah nodded, going over to a large tube in the far corner of the room. She turned and took the small jar she saw on the way over, opened it, and filled it with the chemical in the tube.

Akiyah examined the substance, then saw it was a green looking liquid, so you can guess what this bitch did. Yup, she threw it to the side, and it, yet again, hit Christian on the head, and it broke. Isn't this bear suppose to be fluffy? Like what the hell!? Anyway, instead of him melting, he started to grow. No, not dick-wise, nothing in the world could help that, I mean in height.

Akiyah watched, walked over, and actually pulled out a measuring tape. "…2',You grew 1 foot." Akiyah stated, noticing that he now came up to her thigh instead of below her knee. Akiyah walked over to a table that had a monitor on it. There was a container of industrial water just sitting there, so, she took it.

Akiyah turned to look at Christian and he nodded. They both started walking to the stairs and went down, Christian having to hop each one. Stupid teddy bears these days…*shakes head while grinning*.

Meanwhile, Rebecca and Billy had heard the sound of rushing water suddenly lower. They took the lift back down to the other floor. When they got off, Billy walked over to the door Akiyah had came from, and saw that a walk was now visible.

"Hey, princess, maybe we should try this way?" Billy suggested, Rebecca nodded in agreement. They walked out onto the higher walk, looking over the second and the water. At the end, there were herbs, so of course, Rebecca went to smoke 'em- I mean collect them for healing.

They then climbed down the ladder to the second walk, and as soon as Billy stepped down, two mutated frogs jumped out of the water and onto the platform.

"Hey ya'll. I'm gon' get'cha. I'm gon' get'cha with my long tongue, then I'ma swallow ya'll." The frog said with that voice like that guy from Family Guy.

"…Ok…weird." Rebecca commented. Billy nodded, then took out his knife and shanked the hell out of the poor fool.

"Brutal!" Rebecca cheered, walking to the other ladder and climbing up, Billy following behind. They walked over to the door, gave each other a look-nod, then Billy opened it. They ended up in a weird room, with some type of huge machine that spun vertically.

Billy jogged over to the closest door, which was on the right, but left if your looking from a different view. Once he reached it, he went to open it when saw something shine from the corner of his eye. So, he turned around. "Ooh! BULLETS!" he grabbed them.

"**Open the fucking door.**" Akiyah ordered through the door in a menacing voice. If you're wonder why she didn't open it, that's because it was locked from Billy and Rebecca's side. Billy squeaked a bit in fear, unlocked the door, then hid behind Rebecca.

Akiyah came out with her eyes closed, trying to calm down, though her eyebrow was twitching. "Hey, what's that?" Billy pointed to a shelf across the room, after looking over Akiyah with no difficulty. Akiyah turned around, "…Oh."

"You really didn't notice that?" Billy asked, walking past her slowly. "How could she, she's too short." El EmoCareBear commented, causing Akiyah to turn and give him a heated death glare. "**You're** the one to talk, you **stuffed midget.**" Akiyah retorted vitriolically.

She grabbed him by the head, yet again, and threw him to the shelf. He just about missed the edge, landing on whatever it was that Billy saw. When Christian looked at it, he saw that it was a battery. To a tractor. YAY! We found a battery!

Christian, with all his fluffy teddy bear might, picked up the battery and chucked it at Akiyah. But she easily dodged it, which resulted in Billy getting hit in the balls.

"Haha! PWNED BITCH!" Rebecca cheered, jumping up and down. Billy slowly went down, thinking that the 'Death of Balls' wrath would never end.

"I'm gonna rip that thing into pieces." Billy mumbled, referring to Christian, and started to get up. Akiyah, fast as a ninja (cuz I AM a ninja!), pulled out her handgun and pointed it at 'little' Billy, tapping lightly. "You're not doing shit." she said calmly.

"Yeah! And this _thing_ got a name, bitch," Christian continued to rant, and during this, he failed to notice Akiyah turned her gun to him. "El EmoCareBear. You got that? Let me say it again, it's El E-"

**BANG!BANG!GUNSHOT!GUNSHOT!CAP IN YO ASS!CAP IN YO ASS!**

Though, Akiyah missed purposely, it still got this leprechaun sized dumb-ass to shut the hell up! Suddenly, the glass containment tubes burst, pieces of glass flew. Two more mutated roaches charged at them. Akiyah, Billy, Rebecca, and El EmoCareBear started shooting, but the latter soon ran out of ammo.(The latter is Christian… What? That gun's small, and it's not even in the game so there's no ammo for it.)

From his perch on top shelf, El EmoCareBear looked around and saw a briefcase that was just chillin' there. He opened it with ease, and to his behold, there were two combat knives and two machetes. Heh, just right for his size, too.

El EmoCareBear did a back flip off the shelf, machetes in hand…or paw… and landed right in front of one of the roaches. "Alrrright, buta, get rrready to meet yourrr death!" he said in a fake ass Puss in Boots or Zoro imitation.

Suddenly, he did these tricks with the mini swords, some cool slicing motions and shit. So cool, it confused the roach, giving him the chance to kill it. El EmoCareBear went slicing and dicing, jumping all around, and finished it of with front flip onto the things back, plunging the machetes into its head. It was so freaking cool!

By then, the roaches were dead, and Rebecca was examining the battery. "Oh! I have to mix the water with the sulfide acid, into the battery for it to work." And that's what she did. They checked their ammo and supplies, then made there way out the door Billy and Rebecca came through. When they reached the other room, Akiyah went to look at the flight of stair she wasn't able to go down, and sure enough, they had collapsed.

They walked around to the other side and made themselves acquaintances with the naked zombies in the back, then went over to the door, only to find that it was locked.

"Great, another locked door. What journey will we go on now?" Billy asked sarcastically.

"Simple, we have to go back to the tractor. Put the battery in, raise the lift, and get Rebecca on there to get the magnetic card, then come back here." Akiyah explained, saying a _lot_ more than she would have said any other time. Seriously, that was more than three words!

"…How long have you been here?" Billy, El EmoCareBear and Rebecca asked in unison. "Ever since the train started moving." Akiyah replied blankly. Everyone just started at each other.

"Maybe now is a good time to catch up on everything. You know, while we're in a safe area?" Rebecca suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement. El EmoCareBear sat down on a brick, Billy and Rebecca stood, while Akiyah leaned against the wall, arms crossed, and one foot planted firmly against the wall. Total bad-ass!

"Ok, Akiyah. You wanna go first?" Billy asked, receiving a nod in response. "Well, it all started when I was 12..." Everyone gave her a blank stare. "But I guess I'll skip over that. I honestly don't know how I got on that express train, but when I woke up on it, all I saw were zombies. I stayed low for about six minutes before one of them tried to bite my head off. Then, I was running around, looking for things to help me survive…"

~ ~ ~FLASHBACKTIME~ ~ ~

Akiyah was pissed, scared, and confused as fuck. For one, she was cold. Two, she was soaked in blood, that wasn't even _hers_'. Three, there were fucking _zombies_ trying to eat her at every corner she turned. Her pretty blue T-shirt was ripped and ruined, the words that read love, probably said _hate everyone _or something. And four, she lost her phone a while back, and she was _alone_ out of all things.

Akiyah had nothing to even defend- "There's a combat knife." Akiyah stated randomly. It was settled on a bloody seat, next to a body. Walking over, she picked it up. It was pretty big, possibly some army type. She turned around to look down the aisle toward the door.

That's where she started heading, until she froze hearing foot steps. She didn't exactly bother to listen if they were sluggish or normal, she was just scared. "Oh god, what do I do?" Akiyah asked aloud, starting to panic. She turned around and saw an empty seat. '_bingo' _

Akiyah dived over the seat and ducked under it, holding her aching side. _'ok, that whole diving thing was totally unnecessary.' _Akiyah listened as the footsteps passed through the door, and kept going. She breathe a sigh of relief when the door at the other end closed. Getting up, she bumped into something foul smelling yet soft. When she looked up, she didn't exactly feel all warm and fuzzy.

There in front of her was a man, but he wasn't alive. Oh no, his mangled jaw, and gaping hole in his chest, proved that. Akiyah wanted to scream, but overwhelming fear paralyzed her physically and verbally. _'fucking run Kiyah, run! Or stab him- IT!'_ But no matter how much she yelled at herself, she could do nothing but watch as those cold, decaying hands reached for her being.

Closer… closer, it just crept _closer._ Its arms, outstretched, reaching for her, suddenly lost strength and fell to land on… Akiyah looked down where the hands conveniently landed. On her breast. Eyebrow twitching as she raised her gaze back to this _thing_.

"You disgusting PEDOPHILE! Putting your nasty ass hands on me!" Akiyah _completely_ lost it. She took the knife and started shanking the hell out of this bastard. When he fell to the ground, officially dead, Akiyah heard sounds of suffering groans. She turned to see more of _them_ starting to wake up.

"Ok, you fuck faces. Come and get an ass whooping!"

After five minutes of struggle, the zombies were dead and no more dared to get up. Akiyah made her way to the next cart, this one was brightly lit and had a flight of stairs to the right. Akiyah went up the stairs and looked around, her eyes landing on a phone and some herbs, which she at first thought was weed, until she got a better look. She walked over to the phone and put it to her ear. The line was dead.

She slowly pulled the phone away, then slammed it down on the hook. _'no one can help me… I'm alone, and helpless…' _Akiyah thought sourly. She looked out the window and saw the outside world, completely missing the egg like things in the corner. She furrowed her brows. _'No, I will make it through this, I'll see Mommy and Shae again… just gotta hang on.' _A little corny, I know, but hey.

Akiyah ran back down stairs, and was yet again greeted by a zombie party. "Ugh! Fucking bastards! Move!" She ran by them, knocking them over if they got in her way. She ran through the door and slammed it shut. Cautiously she crept along the small corner and saw that there were two cabin doors. She opened and entered the first one.

Miraculously, on the bed, Akiyah found two Heckler & Koch umps and mps, a Motorola radio, _'don't know what I'll need it for but, 'taking it!' _and a Clock sub-compact SIG. _'Hell yeah!' _Akiyah found a holster for that one, and straps for the others. She found a first aid spray, herb, and a dead body, but of course she left that, and took the other stuff.

She walked over to the closet, and opened it, surprised at what she found, considering there was a male corpse in the room. '_Cross dresser?' _Akiyah asked herself, glancing over her shoulder at the body. In there, she found some women dresses, a grey wig, women's church shoes, like ten different purses, rope, tape, and a pack of condoms.

Akiyah looked back to the dead guy, '_what the fuck?'_ turned back to the closet, took the rope, tape, and left the latter. _'Don't need 'em... Why would I?'_

...

And there it is, chapter 3- done! So, what do you think? Your opinions are important to me, and the future of my story/stories. So then, leave a review before you continue on!


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, so here's chapter 4. I can honestly say at this point, that I will only have 6 chapters for part 1(This is part 1, for anyone who didn't know that), unless somebody/_sombodies _want me to add, like, deleted scenes, and such, then there'll be much more to the lovely weirdness! Though, I admit, the deleted scenes I've already worked on, are a lot more serious than this, all angsty and what not. Along with character death scenes, but only of you want it. Now, on with the story!

I. Own. Nothing *goes into corner and cries* Except what/all those that were previously mentioned in chapter 3.

...

Akiyah looked to the bottom of the closet and found a small med kit, and you can guess what she did. Yep! She took it. Akiyah closed the closet and took one last look around the room. Finding nothing else of use, she left the cabin. Akiyah was in front of the second cabin door, when she thought she heard talking, but she dismissed it and walked into the cabin. Meanwhile, Billy and Rebecca just met in front of the electric door leading to the control cart.

Akiyah automatically went to the closet, not seeing anything else in the room when she walked in. Inside the closet, there was a small black suitcase. She opened it and found a black tank top, baggy combat Capri pants with a bunch of pockets, and black combat boots with multiple zippers along the side. There was also a huge cloak with a hood at the bottom of said suitcase. She decided to change out of her raggedy, ruined clothes and into nice, clean, and surprising fitting, ones.

When she was done she took the little time she had to clean her jewelry. _'Hell, at least look _presentable_ if I see anyone.' _Akiyah mentally reasoned, then finished up by putting on the cloaky-thingy. She exited the room and continued down the hall, coming across the bodies of a train conductor and someone else.

They didn't seem to have anything useful on them. Akiyah then noticed an open window above the body. Cautiously, she climbed over him and made her way through. She climbed to the roof of the train and was examining the area, when suddenly the train jolted forward, causing Akiyah to lose her balance and fall over the edge.

'Shit! Quick!'

she thought anxiously as she fell. Extending her hand out, she caught onto the window sill. As the train picked up speed, the rain rushed by and stabbed at her face like tiny needles. Akiyah dangled there for a minute or two, before she found the strength the pull herself up. She rolled onto her back and lied there on the roof, trying to catch her breath. Well, that was fucking nice. Akiyah soon got up and started to walk down the length of the cart, but she didn't get far.

She began to notice a large figure slowly coming toward her. She had to squint to see clearly, but once it got closer, her eyes widened in horror. It was a huge ass scorpion! Like the size of a god damn van or something! "What the fuck is this! Lord do you hate me, like this is just unreal! Holy shit!" Akiyah panicked, and it screeched shrilly upon arrival. Not wanting to stay for this encounter with the Scorpion King, she tried to make a run for it.

But of course, the rooftop was wet, which made it hazardous to move quickly, and she couldn't move fast enough to dodge a swipe from the things claw. It sliced her right on the arm, catching her of guard, causing her to nearly fell over the edge. Again. The injury wasn't that bad, but enough to elicit a hiss of pain. Suddenly, the scorpion lunged at her, making Akiyah fall back, and it dangerously loomed over her.

The thing drew back its claw and brought it down to impale her. Akiyah rolled out the way as much as she could, only to repeat this action again as the other claw came down. Both claws were now caught in the roof, but she couldn't reach her gun, so she started kicking it in the face. Then, there was a sound of cracking, faint to the inhuman screeches of the scorpion, but still audible. It was as if the roof was going to…

"Oh, you gotta be shitting me!"

Akiyah tried to think, but she was in such a frantic state that the only thing she could do, well, was the only thing she could do at all. Hands at her side, she pushed down against the surface, and rolled backward from underneath the scorpion beast, just before the roof collapsed.

It screeched before it landed on the floor below, but Akiyah didn't want to stick around to see if it would get back up or not. Meanwhile, Billy just given a gift on the floor below.

Akiyah moved as fast as she could down the length of the train. She soon came to a hole, a pretty small one too, and dropped through. She readied her gun, not wanting any more crazy surprises, but the corpse in the corner didn't even twitch. Ok, maybe it twitched, but it didn't get up.

Akiyah walked over to the closet, ignoring the jewelry box on the floor, and looked inside. There were two H&K usp's and three grenades. She took them and went to the door, but hearing the screeches of the scorpion, she decided to use the window.

Once she was back on the roof, she made her way to the back of the train, hopping down onto the platform. Akiyah noticed something from the corner of her eye and turned quickly. _'hm… I thought I saw something…'_ what she didn't know was that a very stupid leech just committed suicide because it thought the squirrel it loved did the same. "Oh, a squirrel." Akiyah randomly noted.

She walked to the door and went inside. The sound of dogs barking made her jump a little. In the room, there were crates of non-perishable food, so, Akiyah got to grubbin'. She then heard something coming from the crawlspace next to the door she hadn't gone through yet.

She figured if she just left, she wouldn't have to deal with whatever it was. So, she left quickly. Meanwhile, Billy and Rebecca emerge from the crawl space, the dogs break free, and Rebecca checks the door. "…It's unlocked…but it was just locked from the other side." "Maybe ya don't know how to open doors." She glared at him.

Akiyah walked past the rest of the zombies and went back to the cabin that didn't have the dead body. She fell onto the bed and nearly fell asleep, but got up quickly to lock the door. About fourteen minutes later, Akiyah was awoken by the feeling of the train going crazy, then mere seconds after she woke up, the train derailed and Akiyah was catapulted out the bed and through the window. She hit the closest wall of the tunnel hard and fell to the floor with a grunt of pain. Damn, she was out _cold_.

When she woke up again, she felt pain coming from her already injured arm. "Ugh… what the hell. Someone doesn't know how to fucking drive!" She screamed, meanwhile, Billy and Rebecca stopped after emerging from a whole in the floor that gave way to a ladder, "Did you hear that?" "Hn, probably nuttin'. Now your hearing things? Don't go crazy on me, Dollface." Foot, meet groin.

Akiyah stood up and looked at her right arm, there was a pretty big piece of glass in the same wound she got from Scorpio a while back. "Ha, his ass is probably burning in hell by now." Akiyah said aloud. While Billy and Rebecca were running around, figuring out puzzles, opening door, getting their ass kicked or poisoned, Akiyah was a little behind them, not really having to face that many trials. (sorry, I had lots of ideas, but I've got to cut that part short. Expect more funnies!)

~ ~ ~ END FLASHBACK ~ ~ ~

"Wait a fucking second, it's _your_ fault that _huge_ ass scorpion dropped in to say hi, why tha' fuck couldn't you keep that monstrosity up there!?" Billy yelled, frustrated that shit went well for her while he was nearly killed. Akiyah only looked at him blankly, totally un-phased by his out burst. "It was too heavy for the roof, so it fell. Not my problem." she finally responded. "Like hell it isn't!" Billy would have continued, if Rebecca hadn't stomped on his foot and started talking.

"Sooo, you really went badass because one of them groped you?" Rebecca asked. Akiyah took a moment, then nodded. Then El EmoCareBear spoke up, "You found all those guns in only one fucking room!? What the hell! All I kept finding was death and leeches and fucking crazy monkeys!" he yelled, starting his tantrum. "We should probably get moving now. We'll finish up on the tales latter." Rebecca suggested.

Once again, our heroes were off on a journey to either get killed, or fuck shit up. They crossed the walks and went back inside to the lift. Once everyone was aboard the tight space, they were taken to the floor above. They went through the door, and crossed the next walk, going to another door. Door, door, door, stairs, FUCKIN' LEECHE! Guess who screamed like a bitch, go ahead, I'll wait…. NOPE! It was Billy!

They returned to the lodgings room Billy and Rebecca had to cut through to get to Akiyah and El EmoCareBear. Billy went to pick up a herb, and they were on there way again. He and Rebecca exchanged bullets after she found her handgun that she lost a while back.

Doors, doors, more doors. Like god damn, why are they going all the way back!? Soon they arrived back to the tractor. Akiyah put the battery in place, and Rebecca hopped up on the crate.

Billy sat behind the controls and started to work the lift, when suddenly, it stopped moving after a freaking second. "What tha', come on you piece of shit! Move!" Billy raged, trying to force to tractor's lift to move by slamming and banging the controls.

"… Billy, calm down. Stop before-" Too late! Akiyah was cut off by the sound of the tractor roaring to life, and the lift go flying up so fast, Rebecca was thrown into the air, and hit her head on the rocky ceiling. But amazingly, her hand managed to smack the magnetic card down from the top rock, which hit El Emo right in the eye.

Rebecca came down hard, landing on her ass, so no more brain damage. There were like, literately, stars floating around her head, and she looked so out off at the moment, that everyone started laughing. Even Akiyah snickered a bit. Yes, it was that funny.

"Billy? When did your head become normal sized?" Rebecca asked dizzily, causing Billy to stop laughing. "Oooh!" El Emo jeered.

"Alright, we should get moving. Billy, since it's your fault, grab ditsy over there and lets go." Akiyah ordered, not knowing that Billy was gonna let chick slam into every single wall or doorway they came to. And if she did, she didn't care. They made their way back to the door that required the card. Once they were in front of the door, they decided to take a count of their weapons, ammo and health supplies.

There were six handguns, a grenade launcher and twenty-four hand grenades, a spring M16A4 assault rifle, AK47, shot gun, hunting gun, a Steyr AUG, a government M16 and SMG, and Heckler & Koch UMP's and MPS's. Damn it's like they were getting ready for war or something!

"Alright, this might be it. We gotta fight hard, and we'll make it out of this thing." Billy coached, trying to sound like a team leader or some shit. "…Good speech Bob, but let's leave the command stage to me, ok?" Akiyah chastened, seriously not giving a fuck if she sounded like a total bitch at the moment. Rebecca and Purple Elmo nodded in agreement. But instead of moping like a bitch, which he always does, Billy flipped Akiyah the bird and opened the door. **THIS IS IT**, **THE FINAL BATTLE!** _For now_…

Once they entered the room, they were welcomed by hordes of leeches, climbing and being slimy all over the place. "Dear god, what is this, their hideout?" Rebecca whined, casting disdain filled glances at every corner, making sure no part of the room missed her disgust.

"Or maybe they're just having a SLEEPOVER~!" El EmoCareBear suggested, saying the last part in the most girlish voice a bear could ever make. Everyone looked at him concerned, even Marcus, that insane leechy bastard!

"Eh-hem, anyway. How nice of you to join us, my guest of honor, after all, it is your wake." Marcus started, trying to act all cool and insane and elegant, all at the same damn time.

"Who are you? And what the hell is a wake!?" Billy asked in the fakest macho voice you'd ever hear in the world. I mean so fake, it made some look at him like 'what the fuck?', and others, face palm and turn away. Marcus shook his head and got back into character. His young features suddenly started to morph into that of an old man.

"Oh no, it's some random old lady wearing a mans suit! RUN FO YO LIIIIIVES!" El EmoCareBear screamed. Everyone started to run around in circles, screaming like mad men. Yes, even Akiyah. Marcus face-palmed and sighed.

"No, you imbeciles. I am Dr. Marcus… and I will be caring for you today!" He ended cheerfully, pulling a random doctor's coat on from out of the freaking blue. Changing back to his younger look while the 'heroes' gave him a look that said 'Fucking Idiot.' Oh yeah, you're ones to talk.

"Now," Marcus started, adjusting his coat, "Lets have a look at your paperwork." Pulling out a huge stack of papers, and a pair of reading glasses, yet again from out of nowhere, he began to go through the papers.

Occasionally, a look of interest would cross his features, while our three and a-half heroes waited patiently. Suddenly, the stack of paper was carried off by a long wave of leeches, traveling along the railing Marcus was standing in front of.

"Well, by viewing your health paperwork, I have come across important information. Rebecca, you are allergic to crab meat, you have a beauty mark on your foot, or maybe just a moley moley moley moley! You like to surf and your favorite color is blue.

Billy, you have a scar going down your right arm, your blood type is Q+, you drink a lot and have a bag of weed in your back left pocket. Akeya-" "**Akiyah, dumb-ass**"said person cut him off.

"…Akiyah-dumb-ass, you have pitch black hair, red streaks, you are 4'4 and weigh like 2 pounds, you have a dog bite on your right foot, three gashes, and a broken rib.

And Chris- um, Teddy Bear…you are fat, stupid and annoyingly impossible to keep out of harms way, *cough, Akiyah dumb-ass, cough*." Marcus finished and morphed back to his young self, acting like a complete jackass toward El EmoCareBear. And kinda to Akiyah too, that bastard…

...

Alright. Awesome right? ...Right? Anyway, deleted scenes: as mentioned before, I'll upload some after I'm completely finished with part 1. Some, not until part two, because that's when they'll make more sense. Ok, so leave a review, and possibly a request, and I just keep the chapters coming!


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